What to do in case of a Zombie attack?

Have you ever wondered how a zombie outbreak might go down in your neighborhood? Do you know where the closest gun store/mall is? And, do you know of a secondary entrance should the front door be mobbed by angry zombies?

These are pressing questions that you should have answered long ago. For those of you preparing your little ones for the inevitable, I suggest using the this zombie simulator. Impressing upon them the importance of readiness should be top priority. Complete with blood puking, ass-hauling zombies, being familiar with this simulator is one of many precautions that we should all be taking.

Make no mistakes, evil exists.... be prepared.

UPDATE

Not surprisingly, this subject has been of late getting some serious press. Head on over to NYTimes read an interesting, and somewhat bleak, assessment of our odds...

Happy Birthday Empire

In celebration of its 20th birthday, Empire magazine has done a sweet spread of actors posing as some of their most (in)famous roles. This one is by far my favorite....

Head over to Empire to see 'em all.

When Dreams Become Reality

As it turns out, while Steven Seagal was showing the world creative ways in which one man can break another man's arm on the big screen, he was also training a select group of Louisiana police officers in creative ways in which one man can break another man's arm... for real.

A&E's latest series, Steven Seagal: Lawman... for real.

Tauntaun Innards are Cozy

I don't know about you, but the first thing that enters my mind every time I see Han cut open his tauntaun to warm Luke with its innards is, "Mmmm, that looks cozy."

The good folks over at Thinkgeek.com have gone ahead and taken it one step further. Now your young one can sleep "in the belly of the beast"... literally experiencing the warmth (and smell) of the inside of a tauntaun*.

* Snow rebel uniform/helmet not included.

Scalping, Revenge, Feet, and the Bear Jew: Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds

Today you're in for a real treat. Joining us for what will likely be the first of many action related collaborations is our very own Zatoichi, a close friend and fellow action junky of the highest degree. Today, Zatoichi and myself will be delving into the clearly troubled mind of Quentin Tarantino as we discuss his latest film, "Inglorious Basterds". Note, the following will likely contain a number of spoilers which you might wish to avoid until actually seeing all 2 hours and 32 minutes of the film.

Zatoichi: After a string of Tarantino films that have been either awesome, but with too much chop and hack (Kill Bill, Death Proof) or not so awesome (Jackie Brown), I walked into Inglourious Basterds with sweaty trepidation. Would the author of Pulp Fiction, a consciousness transforming film and among the best ever made, be able to live up to my hopes?

As in his other films, Tarantino has built his story on a theme that has been used many times over (Reservoir Dogs: Heist gone wrong; Pulp Fiction: Hood gets involved with Boss's wife; Kill Bill: Revenge Epic). This time, he uses what may be the most overused setting in all of film and literature for the past sixty years: WWII epic. Going into the film, you wonder how Tarantino is going to deal with subjects such as the holocaust or Hitler, both of which are extremely tricky, and must be dealt with carefully, at the risk of audience alienation. The tactic in the past has either been humor: Chaplin's The Great Dictator (1940), or Dark, Brooding, Drama: Der Untergang (2004). Further, it seemed impossible that he could breathe new life into a subject that had been exhausted from every angle by almost every great director that has ever lived. Amazingly, Tarantino effortlessly navigates this impossible subject with signature violence, dialogue, and, most importantly, humor. It's easily his funniest film.

A good example is The Ridiculous Pipe that Waltz's character smokes in the opening. It's in shocking contrast to the look and feel of the film to this point, and especially to the pipe of his opponent. Tarantino has the reserve to present it without mention. And while the film is hysterical it also manages gut-wrenchingly-beautiful and profound, such as Laurent's character's escape (in absolutely the most effective homage to John Ford ever achieved (despite fifty years since The Searchers came out)). The masterful linking of these two examples in the film illustrates one of the director's greatest strengths - the tight juxtaposition of horrific tragedy with uproarious comedy.

Casey: I'll come right out and say that I liked Inglorious Basterds. It helped that I was in need of a dark cool place to rest my head after a night of kilts and boot daggers followed by an early morning drive through the robust landscape of western Massachusetts.

To a certain extent, I agree with what Zatoichi has to say. Tarantino certainly succeeds in juxtaposing the horrific and the slapstick, although I worry that he takes one or two too many steps in the direction of the latter, particularly in the end scene in the movie theater, when Pitt et al infiltrate a Nazi movie premier as supposed Italian cameramen. It feels over the top to me. But I'll concede that Tarantino did a fantastic job of navigating a well-explored bit of cinematic terrain (i.e. WWII). Specifically, there were two things that blew my mind about this movie:

First, I knew coming into this movie that Tarantino had taken a few liberties with history, but had no idea the extent to which his exaggerations and fantasies had gone. Tarantino essentially takes the story that he wants to tell and then proceeds to tidy it up with historical context. It is really pretty interesting, especially since he (unsurprisingly) makes no apologies for doing so. I had never given much thought to this before I saw this movie. In general, formula-based historical fiction frames a fictional story against a historically accurate backdrop. The story is often times incidental to the actual events of history, or, in the best cases, somehow cleverly tied in with what we accept as true. In IB, what we know to be true about WWII is tossed to the wayside to make room for Tarantino's version of reality.

Second, this movie makes it very clear that Tarantino has mastered the art of drawn out stationary scenes with impeccable dialogue. Think Vincent Vega sitting in a booth with Mia Wallace at Jack Rabbit Slim's, and then imagine that Jack Rabbit Slim's is a basement pub in the middle of occupied rural France. Then go ahead and imagine that Marilyn Monroe and Richard Nixon are actually a famous German actress/spy and a Nazi officer with an ear for phoney accents, respectively. Somewhere in between you arrive in the ballpark of where Tarantino takes you in IB. Unfortunately, this has the effect of making IB feel to me much more like a string of polished short films with recurring characters than a full length film. Has Tarantino ever done any shorts?

All that being said, I appreciate the intricacies of the story and Tarantino's continued effort to build up the Tarantino Universe of characters. Plus, I'm in awe of the way he disposed of all of the important high-ranking Nazi officers, including the Fuhrer himself. Excellent.

Zatoichi: It is tremendously freeing that Tarantino violates history. For me, the conclusion was inevitable, and maybe I should have guessed that he would be so irreverent with history, but I didn't, and the effect was spectacular.

One of the most lasting images is of Hitler, laughing hysterically during the screening of the film within the film. The film he's watching with the rest of the Third Reich isn't funny. It's about a single Nazi killing hundreds from a watchtower, and the only thing that ever happens is that he keeps shooting people, and they keep missing him (well, except that at one point he takes the time for some intricate wittling). Hitler laughs like he about to choke to death throughout. While this is hysterical, it adds a levity to our impression of the evil of Hitler that maybe shouldn't be there.

It hadn't occurred to me that the slapstick was too much, though I can see why you say so. I thought Pitt, in particular, pulled it off, and that the film works within the rules that Tarantino has set up for himself (which arent many). The physical comedy isn't much more ridiculous than the dialogue, violation of history, or improbabilities of the plot.

I think we were both surprised by how strong and original the film was. It breaks all the rules that it has to to allow Tarantino to tell the story that he wants to tell. Pure entertainment, lasting impressions, and the best dialogue he's written in years.

Quentin Tarantino's Top 20

Hey folks, long time no see. My apologies, but the last couple of months have been a little hectic and have not left as much time for action related rhetoric as I would like. But I came across this today on /Film, and thought that I would share it with you.

Here we have Quentin Tarantino listing his top 20 movies made since he became a director in 1992. At the top of his list is Battle Royale, which I have to admit is one badass movie. The other nineteen come in no particular order, but do include cinematic greats such as Unbreakable and The Matrix, among others. I also like that he included The Host, which I thought was actually a really great monster movie.



There are a few in here that I have not seen and will certainly add to my list (I can't believe I haven't seen Police Story 3!). I was also pissed that Katheryn Bigelow's Point Break wasn't in there, until I realized that it was made in '91, and Tarantino was quickly redeemed in my eyes...

Any that you would add to the list?

PS- I saw District 9 yesterday and it was rad.

Violent Sci-Fi Action Recommendations

So I logged onto Netflix yesterday to find that my first recommended genre was "Violent Sci-Fi Action". Have I been watching so much violent sci-fi that the Netflix algorithms picked up on it? Has anyone else encountered such specifically tailored recommendations on Netflix?

Anyway, being that my girlfriend has been out of town, I have in fact been watching an inordinate amount of Sci-Fi. I thought that I would fire off a couple of titles in case you too find yourself without your significant other for an extended period of time and have a hankering for 80's Sci-Fi action.

The Thing (1982):

I may have caught this one on the the tail end of our Kurt Russell celebration. The truth is, I'm surprised I had never seen it until now. In this early eighties sci-fi action/ horror flick, a team of American scientists in Antarctica are faced with the realization that an alien lifeform which absorbs and then replicates any living thing it pleases, has infiltrated their ranks. Now it's up to Russell and friends to figure out who is still human and who is waiting to suck out his brains the first chance they get. Pretty good thrills coupled with gross-you-out special effects, this little guy is a gem for the fan of classic sci-fi.

Outland (1981):

This was actually one of the violent sci-fi's that Netflix recommended. I had never heard of it and thought I would give it a shot. Overall, a pretty good experience. This one tells the story of Marshall O'neil, who makes it his job to clean up an outer ring mining colony. Turns out the general manager, played by Peter Boyle, has been flooding the colony with a dangerous narcotic which boosts productivity in his workers but has the unfortunate side-effect of turning them into psychotic killers. O'neil quickly finds himself the target of an assassination attempt, which he, having made few friends on the colony, has to quell all my himself. Kind of a sci-fi detective story, which I thought was both gritty and frank. Quite enjoyable.

Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985):

This one needs no introduction. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome is the third and final installment of the Mad Max films. Most people consider this movie to be the worst of the three. While they may be right, that by no means makes this a bad movie. On post-apocalyptic Earth, folks either fend for themselves on the open road or take refuge in one of the few "civilized" establishments. Barter Town is one of these. Powered by an army of swine, Barter Town is ruled above by Aunty Entity (Tina Turner) and below by Master Blaster (who is actually two people). Max stumbles into town after having had his team of camels stolen. To get 'em back, he makes a deal with Tina to kill Master Blaster, but after seeing Blaster's sweet face, busts the deal. Unfortunately, in Barter Town, bustin' a deal means facin' The Wheel. He is soon exiled to the desert where he is taken in by a starry-eyed tribe of kids who together return to take back what's theirs and to let Tina know who really runs Barter Town. Strong sci-fi and, as always, great western-like chase scenes with dune-buggies.

Also on the list:

The Road Warrior (1981)

Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD ( 1996)

Serenity (2005)

Have you seen anything good lately?