Saturday, June 14, 2008

A Tribute to Screwface

I just watched Marked for Death, starring Steven Seagal, and I must say: hot damn! For those of you who, like myself, can't really remember which Seagal film is which, Marked for Death is the one with the Jamaican drug ring in Chicago that Seagal busts up with limited assistance and multiple broken arms. Now, the next few lines are going to contain a nice little spoiler, so read on at your own risk (although I'll also say that the spoiler in no way spoils the movie as the action is untainted).

The antagonist in this movie is one Screwface. He's one of the Jamaican Leopard People (?), and a bad-ass mother if I've ever seen one. Basically, the secret to Screwface's power is that "he has two head and fours eyes," which ends up meaning that Screwface is actually two people, identical twins. I just wanted to write a few words about how tough the death(s) of Screwface was.

First, Seagal goes to Jamaica, breaks into Screwface's compound, using some sweet homemade silenced machine guns along the way. He eventually meets up with Screwface, runs a sword into his crotch, and chops his head off. Not ad. But this death leaves the viewer a little unsatisfied since it's a) a little too quick, and b) a little too clean (both of these blows were deft in that little blood was spilled).

However, these concerns are laid to rest with the death of the second Screwface. Seagal goes back to Chicago thinking that he's killed Screwface only to find the second Screwface alive and well. They get into a brawl which ends by Seagal slashing Screwface down the center of his face with a sword, then pushing in his eyes (like in 28 Days Later, totally nasty), then throwing him through a concrete wall, then breaking his back on his knee (like King Slender in NES Pro Wrestling), and then dropping his limp body down an open elevator shaft onto an exposed spike, leaving him impaled, blind, and broken. Snap!

If I were a bad guy in a 90's action movie, that's how I would want to go. I've got to say, director Dwight Little really got this one right.

1 comment:

Brandon said...

i also love the one liner, "i hope they weren't triplets." although he did't deliver it with the gusto of arnold.