Sunday, June 29, 2008

Who Would Win in a Fight: Tong Po vs. Chong Li













Casey: I have to admit that I'm pretty excited about this match-up. Tong Po of Kickboxer versus Chong Li of Bloodsport; my god what a fight! 

Let's keep things clean and say that Tong Po doesn't get to dip his hands in broken glass and Chong Li doesn't get those mace pellets he used on Van Damme. Given this scenario, I don't think that Tong Po stands a chance. Chong Li is a guy with a definitive kill record in the ring (matched only by Dei Han of Best of the Best). The best that Tong Po has ever done is maim Van Damme's brother. Of course, he did put him in a wheelchair. But he didn't have the gusto to finish the job, which I think is key in a pit match to the death.

Here's how I see it happening: Tong Po throws a couple of flying knees and 'bows at Chong Li, which he easily evades (because Tong Po is slow and stupid). Chong Li flexes his pectorals a few times and then deals a devastating blow to Tong Po's knee, exposing the bone. He finishes him off with a vicious blow to the face and then hits him again while he's on the ground. Blood pools under Tong Po's pony tail and Chong Li flexes some more. The fight is over in 14 seconds. Bam!

Now, broken glass and mace pellets allowed, this might be a different story. Tong Po is the champ in his respective universe and, who knows, he might land a hit or two. One well-aimed blow to the face could blind Chong Li making things a bit more interesting. But I still thing it's a long shot. For my money, Chong Li is the man.

Chris: Alright, let's look at the facts:

Both men are accomplished fighters and have vicious, if not down right evil fighting tactics. Nothing is above these men to gain a victory, and they both revel in other's pain and sorrow. However Casey makes an important distinction in that Chong Li certainly has a more impressive fight record. He has killed not one but two opponents with his bare hands and both within a very short amount of time. Tong Po has no kills to that we know of. Not to mention that Chong Li fights multiple opponents within a short time span while Tong Po has the luxury of arranged fights that only come every now and again, and also the advantage of choosing his opponents. Granted, Tong Po is one mean ass motherfucker. I mean, he actually raped Van Damme's girlfriend before their big fight just to mess with his head, but I feel confident that Chong Li would have done the same thing if he was presented the opportunity. 

Now I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but I think a legitimate yardstick of each fighter's skill is the Van Damme that each antagonist battled in their respective movies. Let's face it, Kickboxer had multiple training montages which produced a Van Damme (Kurt, AKA Notsu Cau, translated as 'The White Warrior') that could take a massive beating- as demonstrated in the final battle where he was repeatedly pummeled with fists wrapped in shards of broken glass. The Van Damme of Bloodsport (Dux) could not take a hit nearly as well and would commonly go to the mat after a single blow from his opponent, be it Chong Li or any of his previous challenges (of course he would then get up and do the splits and the other guy would pretty much cry like a little girl and run away). So it's possible that we are underestimating Tong Po's ability by comparing him to an opponent with a higher endurance than Chong Li had to face. But if you factor in the two Van Damme's skills in martial arts, you see a clear distinction in finesse between the two that is to Dux's advantage. After all, Dux was trained to never limit himself to any one style while Kurt learned his style by kicking down a tree. So we must assume that Chong Li faced a quicker adapting opponent than Tong Po faced.

In the end, while Tong Po deserves an invitation to the Kumite, I think my money is on Chong Li. What he lacks in pony tail he certainly makes up for in pectoral muscles. That guy could probably do sign language with those things. They'd dance for a little while and look really mean at each other and then Chong Li would rip off one of Tong Po's testicles and do that weird crowd pumping action he does with his little hands.



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7 comments:

Lonnie Mollo said...

Speaking of Bolo Yeung, Is "Double Impact" on your list of reviews. When I first saw that movie as a 7 year old, I would not believe that there was only one Van Damme playing both characters- I thought there were really twin VDs. If only...

Matt said...

I go with Chong Li. I think although Tong Po is a mean son of a bitch, Chong Li's physical fitness and conditioning far exceeds that of Tong Po. This would be a fight that lasts awhile and so endurance would inevitably determine the winner. Thus Chong Li wins.

Brandon said...

Not to be lost but Chong Li was also the supreme beast of man in Big Trouble Little China who explodes with rage into a pile of rubber and cabbage in the end. And he destroyed Bruce Lee's back in the Lee biographical pic. I am in the concensus here that a man with that much firepower and screenpower will win out in the end against a one shot wonder.

PuNksNoTdeAD said...

Tong Po was a coward... He did anything he could to get the upper hand.. he was a rapist... a pathetic being.. Chong li.. Was a master of his arts and a very well trained fighter... taught in the old ways... although he didn't follow the ancient values, he was never the less a master of the ancient arts.... Tong Po wouldn't stand a chance

ok said...

well i know chong li would win, but let's think about this, chong li he is very strong, but take a look at this, chong li is short, while tong po is tall there is a chance right there for tong po, then tong po has a great ability to have higher kicks, while chong li uses his hands mostly to fight. tong po uses all his body as a weapon, his legs are very strong. it doesn't matter how much muscles chong li has, the important part is how much can you handle the fight and what things from your body you can use to win. chong li doesn't give high kicks, but tong po does. one terrible high kick to the head and you are done. the big advantage of this is that tong po is much taller than chong li, and that would be like some 5 points to tong po. chong li is little even tho he is very strong. i mean chong li only can punch i don't think he can kick tong po in the head, i mean tong po is very tall. so we must look to another things too. tong po might not have that body that chong li has, but he is tall and he uses his hands, elbows, head and kicks. while chong li barely uses his kicks and when he kicks he do low kicks. just think about it. let's not throw all the shit to tong po. and am not a tong po fan nither chong li.

Dominic said...

Brandon is incorrect. Chong Li was NOT in Big Trouble in Little China as Thunder. That was someone else entirely who actually trained the police academies in his native country because of his badassery.

On a side note, Chong Li would work Tong Po. If Van Damme kicked his ass (and he's gay), Chong Li would scrape that guy.

Lowranzy Whitt said...

If you wanna look at the 2 fighters side by side then look at Bloodsport when Chong Li broke that guy's leg. That was the actor playing Tong Po.