Thursday, August 7, 2008

Who Would Win in a Fight: Samantha Caine versus Maggie Hayward

Some of our readers have noted the overt lack of female action stars featured on the blog. This one's for you guys (gals): 

Today's event pits Samantha Caine (Geena Davis) of Long Kiss Goodnight fame against Maggie Hayward (Bridget Fonda) from Point of No Return. I personally enjoy both of these movies (although I'll say now that Long Kiss Goodnight is a better movie). You know the drill, Samantha and Maggie are tossed into a concrete pit with nothing but their wits. Who would win in a (cat)fight?

Casey: Both of these characters are trained assassins. Sam is deadly with a knife and Maggie is a dead-eye. I think as long as Samantha Caine knows that she's a killer (i.e. her memory has returned), she takes this one. Over and over, Sam shows her ingenuity in tight spots with instinctual ease and surprising strength in Long Kiss Goodnight. Like when that bald guy with the crazy eye shoots an RPG at her and she uses the refrigerator as a shield. Or when she throws her daughter out of the window and into the tree house to protect her. She is tough and scares me a little bit. Plus, that platinum blond hair adds a degree of badassery which Maggie lacks. Further, any chick that makes Samuel Jackson think twice (especially a Sammy J playing a deadbeat private eye) is one that should not be underestimated. 

I just think that Sam is much more likely to get brutal in there. The way she ended the injured stag was enough to make me shiver. If it were a competition to take out a mark, well, then maybe Maggie would take it. She is crafty and extremely good with the sniper rifle. Plus, she's got balls (figuratively speaking). And she has that street kid mentality, which could go a long way. I guess it's possible that Maggie's desire to live a long and happy normal life with her boy-toy, Dermot Mulroney, could give her an extra edge. But the thing is, Sam is fighting for her family too. And nature tells us that maternal instinct is more powerful than fraternal.

Needless to say, it would be a hot fight. I would probably make sure that it was 107 degrees in the pit and only let them wear white cotton shirts... Chris?

Chris: Sam has got at least a 6" reach advantage over Maggie, and given the pit fight situation, I'd say that already has her in the lead. I guess you could argue that Maggie has a lower center of gravity, but we're not playing football here, this is a death match. I agree with Casey in that the motivation behind each character is strong, but he struck gold when he points out that Sam is fighting to protect her den of cubs. She'd be like a goddamn wolverine in a pit (especially considering that mouth of hers- it's fuckin' huge!), and Maggie would most likely end up on her back with a glassy eyed stare and her entrails laying all about her. Then Sam would smile with about 250 oversized teeth, climb out of the pit, and go home and cook a delicious casserole for the kids. 

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